Why women in abusive relationships take on average 7 attempts to leave
In this post, we delve into the complex dynamics of abusive relationships, specifically addressing why women may make multiple attempts before successfully leaving.
Unpacking the Cycle of Abuse
The journey out of an abusive relationship is often not a straight path. On average, it takes seven attempts before a woman leaves an abusive partner for good. This is tied to the complex dynamics of abusive relationships, which typically follow a cyclic pattern – tension building, acute abuse, reconciliation, and a calm period before the cycle begins anew.
These cycles are manipulative and designed to keep the victim trapped in the relationship. The "honeymoon" phase that follows abuse often gives victims hope that their abuser will change, causing them to stay.
Understanding the Barriers to Leaving:
Leaving an abusive relationship is an act of immense courage and strength. However, numerous barriers can make this process difficult. Some of these include:
Fear: The victim may fear retaliation from the abuser, including the escalation of violence, stalking, or threats against their life or their children's lives.
Financial Dependence: The victim may depend on their abuser financially, making it challenging to envision a life without this support.
Isolation: The abuser often isolates the victim from friends, family, and other potential support systems, making the victim feel alone and helpless.
Love: Despite the abuse, the victim might still love their partner and hope that they will change.
Shame and Embarrassment: The victim may feel shame or embarrassment about the abuse, hindering their ability to seek help.
Children: If the couple has children, the victim might worry about the impact of separation on them or fear losing custody.
Breaking Free: It's a Process
Remember, leaving an abusive relationship is a process, not a single act. If you or someone you know is in this situation, here are some steps to take:
Create a Safety Plan: This could include identifying a safe place to go, setting aside funds, packing an emergency bag, and memorizing important phone numbers.
Seek Professional Help: Reach out to local domestic violence organizations, hotlines, or counsellors who can provide resources, guidance, and emotional support.
Legal Protection: Consider seeking legal protection, like a restraining order, especially if you feel your safety or the safety of your children is at risk.
At Sarah Dwyer Counselling we have professional training and knowledge in abusive relationship dynamics. We offer individual, couple and family therapy.